Was discussing with Rob yesterday about the damage that gossip can do to relationships within a group of people, especially a church.  While we were talking I started thinking about some things that I’ve felt the Holy Spirit challenging me with lately regarding loyalty.  It’s not a term you hear much these days except when talking about sports.  But I think it’s time for me and maybe some other people to think about what it really means to call someone a friend.

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I have to admit, I’ve grown quite attached to the idea that God made the way I am, with the interests and talents I have.  For months I’ve been coming to this realization of how personal He is to me. So when I get excited about something as silly as finding a new program for my Mac that will help me make instructional videos for PeacefulTech, part of the excitement is simply digging further into who he has made me.  Me, individually.  Anthony Stauffer.  Just as I am.  But then I had an awful thought today….

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For years I felt as if I was running. Like being stuck on permanent Fast-Forward. Driven to get to the next place, to do the next thing. Nothing was ever done, there was always more to do. And it had nothing to do with anything physical.

The relationships that I got into were short and dramatic. I had my heart broken in quick fashion. Twice I thought I had met the girl I was going to marry. Until it fell apart. The drama was like a drug, I didn’t know what life was like without it.

When I met Lori, I experienced a peaceful relationship with no drama. It seemed strange and wonderful, but my soul was still in motion, still running. So I worked. And worked. And worked. Kept busy chasing that thing that was always just around the corner. The record deal. Whatever. Missed many quiet evenings together. I was fast-forwarding through life.

But finally, I have come into a place of peace. I have found what I was looking for.  I have found my significance in the only thing that matters.  After 31 years of chasing what can’t be caught, my soul is at rest.

Just wanted to quickly mention that I wrote an article over on PeacefulTech.com about the benefits of being willing to learn something new n the technology world.  The reason that it’s relevant here is that the same things apply in our spiritual lives as well.  The ability to learn and remember new things is a great gift, and one that I exercise regularly.  Making the decision to be willing to learn something new touches on your pride, your significance, and a ton of other things, but the bottom line is this:  If you won’t learn, you can’t be led.

Read the article here…

A few weeks back I went out raking leaves in the community with some guys I know from other local churches.  It was really funny to see people try to find an adequate way to pay us for what we were doing, because we weren’t asking for a donation, or even to talk to them about church.  We simply came to rake their yard because we love God.

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I know now that the reason I can be so complacent about my health is that I really just believe that everything is going to be alright.  None of the bad stuff that happens to other people will happen to me.  Somehow, someway, I’m going to be alright. 

Once I was honest about the fact that I felt that way, I began to see a very disturbing reality.  If I continue down this path of a sedentary lifestyle, eating whatever I feel like, it will kill me.  I’ll die of cancer, heart disease, or heart attack.  And if none of those manage to get me, the last 20 years of my life will be miserable.  This is not a "worst case scenario", this is what happens every day to people.  And it has nothing to do with not having faith in God.

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It’s interesting how every circumstance throughout the day can be a learning experience when I open my ears to what God is asking me.  Times where I used to just get frustrated and forget about it now serve as another avenue into a part of me that he wants to heal.  People that I have to deal with that have always brought out the worst in me now become helpers to this wonderful journey of relearning what it means to walk with God. 
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I’m starting to realize that I’ll never become the person I’ve always wanted to be.  The patient, understanding, and gentle person I’ve always wanted to see in the mirror will never exist.  But that doesn’t mean I can’t be that person.  I’m learning that when I’m in the presence of God, the fruit of the Spirit multiply whatever patience and gentleness I already have.  Step outside of that and it’s back to the old me.  And that’s the way it is.  Try as I might, I can’t become that person because that involves a change of the heart, and I can’t do that no matter how hard I try. I can act like that person but it won’t be genuine. 

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I think that the way that we do church today makes it harder for us to understand how integrated God wants to be with every part of our lives.

Lately I’ve been thinking about what relationship with God really means. How are we to interact with him? When are we to talk to him and how are we to do it? How does my life here on earth interface with a supernatural being that I can’t see?

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After 30 years of prodding by first my mother, then college roomates, and more recently my wife, I have finally discovered a reason to convert from a slob to a neat-freak. I have never been someone who could keep from piling up stacks of clothes, books, magazines and other random crap around my office, bedroom, or let’s be honest, anywhere that I spend more than an hour a day. I seemed to have a fairly high tolerance for disorder and messiness, even though it drove me crazy to have
things messy and out of order. Once in a while, if my tolerance was running low, and I had some free time, I would clean everything. I couldn’t just clean a little, I had to do every single thing.

After being married for 4 years, I had pretty much made up my mind that Lori was just a neater person than I was, and again, my tolerance for dirty dishes, and piled up laundry was higher than hers. My main reason for cleaning was simply to keep her happy, because often I felt like I was doing it when it was unnecessary.

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